OOTD: Dinner Edition

Celebrated my grandma’s birthday with my parents last night.

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Am I back Blogging?

For months I have been attempting to write, and for months I have failed.

Part of it was feeling like I had nothing to write about and the other part was feeling like I had been gone for so long that no one would be interested anymore.

Honestly there have been a million things to write about but none of them seem interesting enough

Self doubt? Maybe

Overwhelmed by everyday life? Maybe

Exhausted from surviving a pandemic? Maybe

I made a statement at work about how I was never good at math but I’ve always been one to love words. Whether that was reading or writing. Both have a special place in my heart. Then I had this realization that I may not be consistent with a lot of things but I am always consistent with reading.

Writing is how I express myself and my thoughts, its almost as if I feel free. When I have hard days, I write. Now those words will never see the light of day because it's just me letting out anger.

So here’s a quick recap

-April 12th made a year that Ive moved back home. Missing Hawaii every single day.

-I have received 3 promotions in a year

-I am still learning myself, likes, dislikes, triggers, etc

-Learning to express gratitude at all times

Byodo- In Temple

When  arrived in Hawaii I added several things to my bucket list.  After months of it being closed due to COVID I was finally  able to visit The Byodo – In Temple and cross it  off of my bucket list.  I was pretty much stalking their website and when they finally opened back up around October I quickly made my way for a  visit.

The Temple was  taking COVID precautions very seriously which made me feel good about my visit. Each person had to have their  temperatures  taken before you  entered and then you were given a sticker with  the time and date on it. You were also required to wear a  mask  at all times and stay 6 feet apart from others even though the attraction is outdoors.

Finally we reach the line to pay and the fee was $5 per person, a little less if you had a Hawaii ID.

Now I had already saw pictures online but seeing in person was unreal…..breathtaking!  It was beautiful and well  worth the wait. The weather  on that side of the island can be unpredictable at times but the it was  perfect that day.  It was sunny, not too hot and no  rain showers.

Obviously the first thing I did was take a picture.

When we first entered we were directly to use the left entrance (another COVID precaution) and that’s also where the Sacred Bell is. It is believed that ringing the bell will bring peace and happiness and we could all use that some more peace and happiness, now more than ever.

After reading further about the bell I learned that the bell was brought over from Japan and it weighs over 14,000 pounds. Wow!

As we made our way further inside of the temple we were required to take off our shoes and be quiet before entering because this is a place of worship. Once Inside there was a huge Buddha statue and people were praying, meditating  and some even made  donations. 

We  walked through and admired just how beautiful it was, all while respecting the culture of course!

I have already mentioned how beautiful the temple was but honestly, the Koi fish were just as beautiful.

You were able to buy food from the gift shop to feed the fish as feeding them anything else was not allowed.

As we continued to move   around the pond the views kept getting better and better!  I mean this place is amazing!

After leaving I did some research and learned so much  more about the Temple. The Temple in Hawaii is actually a replica and that the original Temple is in Japan. As I looked  at the pictures of the one in Japan I couldn’t believe how similar they looked. All of the architecture was the same. Now I want  to visit Japan to see the real thing.

I literally waited months to see this place and all in all it took us about 30 minutes or so to complete our tour and it was absolutely totally and completely worth the wait! 

To learn more about the Temple you can click here.

Shop My Favorite Stores

H&M

Nordstrom

Nordstrom Rack

Pretty Little Thing

Misguided

Macys

Banana Republic

Forever 21

Asos

Amazon

Zara

Thanksgiving Weekend

Holidays have been so bittersweet for the last 3ish years because I have been away from home. But I have already made it my business to be home next year.

After work on Wednesday I went to Costco for no other reason than I am a procrastinator but luckily the lines moved fast and they were still fully stocked.

I'm not gonna lie, I did zero cooking LOL. I dropped off my items and let someone else cook because thats just way too much responsibility for me.

Thursday came and I realized that I had no clue what I was wearing to the living room. I settled for jeans and a shirt. Simple and have me enough space to breathe once I started eating.  

Thanksgiving morning was a complete fail. Tried to go hiking at four different places and they were closed, tried to do community service and that was a fail. My mom organized a family zoom call so that was the only successful thing about Thanksgiving morning.

Josh and I went to my coworker turned friend house where Louisiana and North Carolina meet so just know the food was fire.

Friday was a chill/ clean day which ended with a night at Dave and Busters. With COVID everything is so different now. Dave and Busters was pretty much empty but I do not mind that at all. No long lines for games and not too many people in your personal space. Ya'll know I'm slightly anti social.

Fast forward to Saturday we went to Bellows where my friend had rented a cabin. Bellows is a vibe. It's quiet and private which allows you to do your own thing.

Sunday I went to the Aloha Stadium for a swap meet that they have every Saturday and Sunday. It was my first time going so it was pretty cool. I underestimated how much time I needed to browse the hundreds of vendors and I most definitely wore the wrong shoes.

I then babysat my favorite 5 year old. Let me just say one thing. Babysitting really is the best birth control out there.

But he gets brownie points because I fell asleep and he let me sleep and stayed right out on the couch with me. Watching Disney of course. #bestbabysitter

Closure

Let’s chat. The word of the day is closure.

Do you believe in closure or do you believe situations should stay as is? This can be with a friend, a significant other or a family member.

Today is July 15th and I sent my first closure message. Today like just now. Like right before I started typing this. It is currently 10:15pm. I feel like such an adult lol

I never used to believe in closure because I knew that my intentions were not good. Not good meaning I was most likely doing it to be petty.

BUT today, today was different. I had been thinking about sending this closure text for a few days now but was on the fence about it. All day at work I was thinking about what I wanted to say and wanted to make sure it didn't come off too aggressive but also it needed to be straight to the point.

Lately have been doing this thing where I tell people how they made me feel. Reason one being my feelings are valid. Reason two being because I know that my feelings are important and that they should be told and reason three being people should know how they made you feel.

Normally I just get irritated and stop talking but that doesn't exactly solve the problem. I just brush it off and think “well that sucks.”

I will then either not talk to them for a while or i will brush it under the rug. But by doing this the original issue doesn't get addressed, then all the issues add up and then I'm like a bomb waiting to go off.

All of my friends and close family know that i am the furthest thing from emotional there is. I don't know how or when I became that way. It takes a lotttt for me to cry

In the last almost two years I can count on one hand how many times I cried. Two.

The first was when my grandmother died in Dec 2018. The most recent time was about a month ago. But this cry was different. I wasn't sad or stressed, I was mad. mad as hell.

I remember the incident that made me mad will not go into detail right now. I do know that i was driving home trying to keep myself together. When I couldn't do that I had to pull over. By the time I was done crying I had the worst headache, my nose was snotty and I was exhausted!

Yes I have smart mouth and can be sarcastic at times but what 20 something year old doesn't. But more times than none I am the friendliest and sweetest person. I always think about that whole treat others the way you want to be treated saying so I really try to live by that.

I used to believe that you shouldn't give people the power to alter your feelings because then they sort of control you. But thats silly. We have feelings for a reason and we have the right to express how we feel.

From now on we are telling people when we are angry, sad, irritated, afraid, disappointed or whatever else especially if they are the reason behind it all.

As always,

love you guys!

I'm back....again.

Here we are 6 almost 7 months into the year and I have not published a blog post & honestly I have no regrets. I think we all can agree that 2020 has been a rough 6 months.

I have about 4 blogs written but I’ve just been way to scared to post them. For the last 6 months A LOT has happened. Some good things and some bad things but that’s life. Just know that I did my first BIG girl thing and I’m so damn proud. I will share when the time is right. But also will the time ever be right LOL.

I am currently struggling with over sharing but the things I have experienced are “normal” and things happen. And to be completely honest I think I’m scared. Not because I’m scared of how people will react but scared of letting everyone know so much about me.

I started this blog because I felt empty. I felt broken. I felt sad. I also knew that those broken and empty feelings I had once experienced sure didn’t start with me and they definitely would not end with me. I knew that I wanted to share my feelings and also possibly help someone else.

Quarantine for me started around March 20th. Which was something that I didn’t know I needed. I was working two jobs and had become completely burned out. I had no time to do things that I enjoyed and the only time I seen my friends is when we were at work. I began to work from home which lasted for about 2 months. My other job had completely closed. Hallelujah.

At first I hated working from home but then I soon realized that all the things I had no time for I had time for now. This was me being grateful. I posted a video about how I’ve been practicing gratitude (CLICK HERE) and honestly this is what got me through quarantine. Being on “lock down” was different. The world we once knew had completely changed within a few days. Stores were closed, people went crazy over toilet paper, masks in public had become mandatory, and anyone who coughed were scared that they would get side eyed.

My time has been spent doing things I enjoy:

· Spending a lot of time outdoors (hiking, beach, going on walks)

· Laying on my couch in my undies

· Being able to talk to my friends and family more

· Giving myself pedicures while also saving a few dollars

· Trying new restaurants

· Reading

· Buying myself flowers

· Eating cuties (those little oranges)

· Watching Dave Ramsey lol

Since I’ve had this extra time I am unsure whether or not I will return to my second job. Money is nice but my happiness is worth so much more. I guess we (me and you guys) will have to see!

Goodbye 2019

Everything that i prayed for is here. I prayed for my finances to be better. I prayed for my depression to be better. I prayed for overall happiness

I cry so much now because the good news is just so continuous. Just thinking back on last year during this time how sad I was. Sad for many reasons. My grandma was sick and I was miserable in Texas.

But before 2109 comes to an end I need to brag on myself for a second. I am always to bashful and never want to share or “brag”.

• I became a first generation college graduate

• I lived in 2 different states

• I turned 23

• I went from no job to two jobs

• I started a blog to not only help me but help others

• I secured a big girl job. One with big girl benefits

• I met some really amazing people

• I had the chance to speak with one of my favorite bloggers

• God’s timing is real and when it’s meant to be it will be

I saw a post that said “I remember when i wanted what i currently have” and now here we are.

When i say I’m coming for everything in 2020 i mean that from the bottom of my heart. So much of 2018 and 2019 was spent waiting on other people to make me happy. Which is weird because I have never needed to depend on others.

Ending 2019 the happiest I’ve been in a while. See yall in 2020!

 

Why You Gotta Be So Insecureeee?

For a while I have been a little insecure about my weight and what not. In 2017 I noticed stretch marks on my “love handles”. Love handles are like where your lower back and the top of your jeans meet.

So here’s the thing. I have been an athlete pretty much my entire life. I started playing soccer at 4 and stopped when I graduated high school at 18. My freshman year of college I was able to maintain my weight due to many factors. I did A LOT of walking. To and from class, to and from parties, to and from the cafeteria. I mean I had no car at school so that was the only choice.

My weight gain didn't begin until roughly my junior year of college. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when I looked at my medical record and noticed that I gained about 25 lbs. in just under a year. . I went from crop tops to oversized tee shirts in the matter of a few months. (PICTURES BELOW)

I used to google “ways to get rid of stretch marks” because I hated them so much. It wasn't until I found out that stretch marks are genetic so I was bound to get them at some point in life.

So playing soccer allowed me to run 8 or 9 miles 5 days a week. Once soccer was over and I got to school, going to the gym happened when I had time. It wasn't a priority to me.

It wasn't until I noticed the 10 stretch marks on my “love handles” that I knew I was getting THICK lol

I have always worn the same size jeans for as long as I could remember. Even when my weight was a lot lower. Thick thighs save lives right? All of my clothes still fit me so I hadn't noticed. It wasn't until I looked at a picture where I was like “wow where did that come from”.

I know that it is basically impossible to stay the same weight forever because ya know, life.

So now here we are. I have been in and out of the gym for just about 2 years. Saying things like “summer body loading” and each year my summer body is still loading.

I was stuck in this mindset that because I work out I can eat pizza 3 times a week. Because this is what I did in high school. But that was actually the furthest thing from the truth.

Within the last few weeks I have been more dedicated to my goals than ever before. Partially because a girl has goals and because I WILL be back in a bikini.

ALSO. I can’t preach about being fearless and I’m not even attacking my own personal goals.

Honestly I just see it this way. How can I expect others to accept me when I can't accept the pieces of myself that I don't like the most.

So if you would like to follow my journey my Instagram is: cydnyenichole_

I love you guys! 

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I know it’s been awhile but I’m bacckkkkk! Did you miss me?

I recently graduated college and I am now preparing for a big move. Well, I'm prepared at this point, just waiting to catch my flight.

Is it crazy that I actually kind of miss school lol. I mean, school has been a part of my life for a while and now that I’m temporality done it just feels ... weird.

If you don’t know, I am a wife. More specifically I am a military wife. In a few weeks, we will be moving to Hawaii where we will be stationed for 3 years.

I'm not knocking anyone who isn't a military wife but being a military wife is HARDDDDD.

I barely get referred to by my name, I go to the doctor and they ask me for my “sponsor” information, plans are never final, things are always changing and all the other bs that the military brings.

Moving is hard.

Packing is hard.

Life is hard.

Overall being just being a wife is hard.

The movers packed our apartment but we still had to pack our personal bags, which was roughly 3 months’ worth of clothes and necessities.

TIMELINE:

Flew to Maryland: May 7- June 10

Celebrated my one year anniversary: June 10

Moved into our hotel: June 12

Movers came and packed: June 13

Cleaned the apartment: June 14

Flew back to Maryland: August 6

Checked out of hotel: August 12

Leave for Hawaii: September 10

I’ve been pretty busy as you can see.

If you’re wondering where lived at for two months. Look no further. A hotel.

This wasn't our plan but ya know, military.

Have you ever had to live in a place with one bed, one room, one TV, one desk for that long? Trust me you don't want to. You literally have no personal space. & I love my personal time. You know when your annoyed when someone breathing is bothering you. Well yea that was me.

Our original plan was to leave for Hawaii August 16th but again, military.

I'm totally off topic but let's just roll with it.

Ok back to post grad life. I always thought that I would get my bachelor’s degree and immediately pursue my master’s degree. Well that thought went out the window when all those assignment and long nights came about. I heard that post grad depression was a thing but I haven't experienced it. I also heard that it could last up to 6 months. Yikes.

I now have other plans (plans that I am not ready to share) as far as when I will return to school but in this day and age a bachelor's degree is simply not enough.

Oh but Sallie Mae is calling so I need to figure something out. Anybody wanna loan me 20K?

Ok bye.

Love you guys.