Peace over what I thought I wanted

For as long as I can remember l I had this idea that I wanted to be married at twenty five and have kids at thirty. I just knew my life would be “together” at twenty five. That mindset ruined my thoughts and pushed me to settle for something that I knew I shouldn’t have had. That “something” for me was marriage, but for you it could be that job, relationship or expensive purchase. Here I am twenty six and my life is “together” just exactly how it’s supposed to be.

When I got married at twenty one I knew that I was making the right decision, and I did make the right decision, at the time. So many of my family and friends questioned whether I was sure or not and I just knew that I was. One thing about me is I’m a “eff around and find out” type of person, meaning no matter what anyone tells me or tries to shelter me from, I just cant help but learn the hard way. I had no business being married BUT the idea of marriage seemed so exciting. Is it the leo in me or is it the I think I know everything.

But with life, growth and lessons learned, twenty six year old me and twenty one year old me are not the same people. If only I knew now what I knew then there would be so much stress and uncomfortableness that could have been avoided. But then not experiencing it would take away my journey. A few years ago I got a tattoo on my shoulder that says “trust your journey” and whew what a journey it has been.

Here we are single, divorced, open to new experiences, choosing peace, embracing love, growing, healing and flourishing, dealing with the things that hurt me all while trusting the journey.

peace over pain.

peace over anything that doesn’t serve me.

peace over anything that drains me.

peace over uncertainty.

peace over everything.

How I saved $10,000 move

After living with my mom for a year and a half I decided to take a leap of faith and move out, again.

This time I moved with a plan and a savings account.

In January of 2022 I tested positive for that raggedy infection that that had us stuck in the house for two years.

While being quarantined my mind really started jumping around. At this point I decided I wanted to move back out the state. My options were Florida, Georgia, Texas and North Carolina. Now obviously I still live in Maryland but the end goal stayed the same.

In order to move I knew that I had to get serious about my finances and cut ties with things that no longer served me. I needed to:

Step one: Pick a date/ month that you want to move and be firm about it.

Step two: Figure out many months away it is.

Step three: Determine how much you need to save and what you have to do to get there.

Step four: How will I do this.

Now step four is where things get serious.

I dramatically changed how I spent my money. I decreased how much I ate out, I cancelled subscriptions I did not need, I got serious about my goals, and on pay days I had my bank automatically take out my savings goal.

If you would like to hear more I made a youtube video about this as well. Linked here

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OOTD: Dinner Edition

Celebrated my grandma’s birthday with my parents last night.

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Am I back Blogging?

For months I have been attempting to write, and for months I have failed.

Part of it was feeling like I had nothing to write about and the other part was feeling like I had been gone for so long that no one would be interested anymore.

Honestly there have been a million things to write about but none of them seem interesting enough

Self doubt? Maybe

Overwhelmed by everyday life? Maybe

Exhausted from surviving a pandemic? Maybe

I made a statement at work about how I was never good at math but I’ve always been one to love words. Whether that was reading or writing. Both have a special place in my heart. Then I had this realization that I may not be consistent with a lot of things but I am always consistent with reading.

Writing is how I express myself and my thoughts, its almost as if I feel free. When I have hard days, I write. Now those words will never see the light of day because it's just me letting out anger.

So here’s a quick recap

-April 12th made a year that Ive moved back home. Missing Hawaii every single day.

-I have received 3 promotions in a year

-I am still learning myself, likes, dislikes, triggers, etc

-Learning to express gratitude at all times

Byodo- In Temple

When  arrived in Hawaii I added several things to my bucket list.  After months of it being closed due to COVID I was finally  able to visit The Byodo – In Temple and cross it  off of my bucket list.  I was pretty much stalking their website and when they finally opened back up around October I quickly made my way for a  visit.

The Temple was  taking COVID precautions very seriously which made me feel good about my visit. Each person had to have their  temperatures  taken before you  entered and then you were given a sticker with  the time and date on it. You were also required to wear a  mask  at all times and stay 6 feet apart from others even though the attraction is outdoors.

Finally we reach the line to pay and the fee was $5 per person, a little less if you had a Hawaii ID.

Now I had already saw pictures online but seeing in person was unreal…..breathtaking!  It was beautiful and well  worth the wait. The weather  on that side of the island can be unpredictable at times but the it was  perfect that day.  It was sunny, not too hot and no  rain showers.

Obviously the first thing I did was take a picture.

When we first entered we were directly to use the left entrance (another COVID precaution) and that’s also where the Sacred Bell is. It is believed that ringing the bell will bring peace and happiness and we could all use that some more peace and happiness, now more than ever.

After reading further about the bell I learned that the bell was brought over from Japan and it weighs over 14,000 pounds. Wow!

As we made our way further inside of the temple we were required to take off our shoes and be quiet before entering because this is a place of worship. Once Inside there was a huge Buddha statue and people were praying, meditating  and some even made  donations. 

We  walked through and admired just how beautiful it was, all while respecting the culture of course!

I have already mentioned how beautiful the temple was but honestly, the Koi fish were just as beautiful.

You were able to buy food from the gift shop to feed the fish as feeding them anything else was not allowed.

As we continued to move   around the pond the views kept getting better and better!  I mean this place is amazing!

After leaving I did some research and learned so much  more about the Temple. The Temple in Hawaii is actually a replica and that the original Temple is in Japan. As I looked  at the pictures of the one in Japan I couldn’t believe how similar they looked. All of the architecture was the same. Now I want  to visit Japan to see the real thing.

I literally waited months to see this place and all in all it took us about 30 minutes or so to complete our tour and it was absolutely totally and completely worth the wait! 

To learn more about the Temple you can click here.

Goodbye 2019

Everything that i prayed for is here. I prayed for my finances to be better. I prayed for my depression to be better. I prayed for overall happiness

I cry so much now because the good news is just so continuous. Just thinking back on last year during this time how sad I was. Sad for many reasons. My grandma was sick and I was miserable in Texas.

But before 2109 comes to an end I need to brag on myself for a second. I am always to bashful and never want to share or “brag”.

• I became a first generation college graduate

• I lived in 2 different states

• I turned 23

• I went from no job to two jobs

• I started a blog to not only help me but help others

• I secured a big girl job. One with big girl benefits

• I met some really amazing people

• I had the chance to speak with one of my favorite bloggers

• God’s timing is real and when it’s meant to be it will be

I saw a post that said “I remember when i wanted what i currently have” and now here we are.

When i say I’m coming for everything in 2020 i mean that from the bottom of my heart. So much of 2018 and 2019 was spent waiting on other people to make me happy. Which is weird because I have never needed to depend on others.

Ending 2019 the happiest I’ve been in a while. See yall in 2020!