Owning My Truth

Life is about being vulnerable right? Well here we go.

Like most women I have always known that I wanted to get married, have a family, be successful, you know live the American Dream. On June 10, 2018 my American Dream began. I married what some people would call my middle school sweetheart. Two days later we were on a flight to Texas to start our new life. I had this expectation that everything would be peaches and cream until reality punched me in the face, hard. Now some would call me crazy for making such a drastic move but I’m young and have a full life to live.

I was in a brand new city, alone and within two weeks of being here my brand new husband had to go back to work. I was happy to be able to pick up and go but I was bored and that boredom turned into sadness which then turned in to depression real quick!

I had no car, no job, no friends, no family other than my husband, I had switched schools again, my savings was slowly diminishing away and I was a new wife trying to figure things out. Depression hit me like a boulder. It was something that I never experienced before to this extent. For years I have always had my moments where I wouldn’t leave the house for days at a time or didn’t want to be bothered. I have always been the type to be a home body but this was different, very different. I found myself not wanting to do simple everyday tasks, not wanting to brush my teeth, not wanting to take my scarf off, moved from the bed to the couch then back to the bed. Not because I didn’t want to but because I literally could not. I cried almost every day but also trying to hide this feeling from my friends and family.

But if were being honest, which I am. I think I have always dealt with some sort of depression. The mildest but most noticeable form.

What most people don’t understand is that mental illness is a sickness that can’t be controlled but it is something that we can recover from. One morning I woke up basically saying “I need to do better”. I jumped out of bed and went to work out.

While thinking of everything I didn’t have I had to remind myself of all the things that I did have.

I was breathing.

I was healthy.

I had food to eat.

I had a roof over my head.

I had a family and husband that loved me.

I was so consumed in everything I didn’t have I wasn’t being appreciative of all the things I did have.

So I say all this to say, appreciate the small things in life. And although my battle is not over it is something that I work at constantly.

xoxo, fearlessly capable