Bye 2019

Everything that i prayed for is here. I prayed for my finances to be better. I prayed for my depression to be better. I prayed for overall happiness

I cry so much now because the good news is just so continuous. Just thinking back on last year during this time how sad I was. Sad for many reasons. My grandma was sick and I was miserable in Texas.

But before 2109 comes to an end I need to brag on myself for a second. I am always to bashful and never want to share or “brag”.

I became a first generation college graduate

I lived in 2 different states

I turned 23

I went from no job to two jobs

I started a blog to not only help me but help others

I secured a big girl job. One with big girl benefits

I met some really amazing people

I had the chance to speak with one of my favorite bloggers

God’s timing is real and when it’s meant to be it will be.

I saw a post that said “I remember when i wanted what i currently have” and now here we are.

When i say I’m coming for everything in 2020 i mean that from the bottom of my heart. So much of 2018 and 2019 was spent waiting on other people to make me happy. Which is weird because I have never needed to depend on others.

Ending 2019 the happiest I’ve been in a while. See yall in 2020!

why you gotta be so insecureeee?

For a while I have been a little insecure about my weight and what not. In 2017 I noticed stretch marks on my “love handles”. Love handles are like where your lower back and the top of your jeans meet.

So here’s the thing. I have been an athlete pretty much my entire life. I started playing soccer at 4 and stopped when I graduated high school at 18. My freshman year of college I was able to maintain my weight due to many factors. I did A LOT of walking. To and from class, to and from parties, to and from the cafeteria. I mean I had no car at school so that was the only choice.

My weight gain didn't begin until roughly my junior year of college. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when I looked at my medical record and noticed that I gained about 25 lbs. in just under a year. . I went from crop tops to oversized tee shirts in the matter of a few months. (PICTURES BELOW)

I used to google “ways to get rid of stretch marks” because I hated them so much. It wasn't until I found out that stretch marks are genetic so I was bound to get them at some point in life.

So playing soccer allowed me to run 8 or 9 miles 5 days a week. Once soccer was over and I got to school, going to the gym happened when I had time. It wasn't a priority to me.

It wasn't until I noticed the 10 stretch marks on my “love handles” that I knew I was getting THICK lol

I have always worn the same size jeans for as long as I could remember. Even when my weight was a lot lower. Thick thighs save lives right? All of my clothes still fit me so I hadn't noticed. It wasn't until I looked at a picture where I was like “wow where did that come from”.

I know that it is basically impossible to stay the same weight forever because ya know, life.

So now here we are. I have been in and out of the gym for just about 2 years. Saying things like “summer body loading” and each year my summer body is still loading.

I was stuck in this mindset that because I work out I can eat pizza 3 times a week. Because this is what I did in high school. But that was actually the furthest thing from the truth.

Within the last few weeks I have been more dedicated to my goals than ever before. Partially because a girl has goals and because I WILL be back in a bikini.

ALSO. I can’t preach about being fearless and I’m not even attacking my own personal goals.

Honestly I just see it this way. How can I expect others to accept me when I can't accept the pieces of myself that I don't like the most.

So if you would like to follow my journey my Instagram is: cydnyenichole_

I love you guys!